My Single Lady friends seem to be going through a dry spell this month.  We are nearing the end of December and I have not heard one dating story that I can sink my advice into.  So on this Single Ladies Friday, I am going to get into what the rest of the world is talking about: cheating men a.k.a. Tiger Woods.

Since his story broke it’s been impossible to avoid talking about men and their cheating ways, the side chick and the unsuspecting girlfriend/wife.  I know I may get a great deal of backlash for what I’m about to say but here goes…Why are women so surprised when men cheat have sex with another woman?  By their very nature men are inclined to have sex with more than one woman.  It is part of their genetic make-up.  Society has conditioned men to control that impulse but it is still there.  Spend just one hour watching Animal Planet, the male species in action, and my statement will all make sense.

Case in Point — On Sunday while Facebooking a message popped up.  It was my Facebook friend Robert.  Okay, we’re not really friends. We went on four or five dates back in 2001.  It was fun but it fizzled.   Yet here we were chit-chatting on FB messenger.  I congratulated him on his recent marriage.  He explained that he was still adjusting. I could relate.  It took me about six months.  When I asked him what he was having difficulty with.  He did not mince words. Robert said that he was having a hard time controlling his desire to be with other women.  I was surprised, but I was not shocked.

I was surprised given that, for fear of being judged, most people do not freely admit that they experience these feelings.  I was not shocked, however, since I firmly believe that monogamy does not come naturally for men.  Rather, monogamy is something that Men have to diligently commit to practicing out of respect for their partners and for physical health reasons.  Woman must stop going into relationships with the idea that, once committed he will stop looking, he will stop fantasizing, he will stop wanting to sleep with other women and he will stop being a man.  Instead, women should have real and honest conversations with their partners about how that impulse can be channeled into their own personal sexual relationship.

My advice to Robert was to communicate his sexual inclinations with his wife, work harder on transferring his desires towards his wife and work harder on staying committed.  He said that she would not hear any of it.  It is what it is.  Robert will more than likely have sex with another woman.  If I could advise the Mrs. or any Lady in a committed relationship, I would beseech her to: buy a wig for when he wants a red-head; slip into a French-maid outfit when he wants the house cleaned; spice it up when it gets bland.  Be that other woman.  Use his impulse to your advantage.  Ladies, if you want no parts of it…please do not play the unsuspecting girlfriend/wife role later on.

BTW- Tigers are not a part of the male species…Mr. Woods should have his own special on Animal Planet! LOL!

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Last night Sean and I met for dinner at our “Blind Date” spot.  Of course, throughout dinner we reminisced on that day and how far we’ve come since then.

If you have been a faithful Single Ladies Friday reader, you know our story.  But, here is a short recap for the new-comers: we met on Match.com, exchanged winks, e-mails, phone numbers, then met for a drink that extended into dinner; and two months later he proposed.

The day he put a ring on it I called everyone in my contact list.  While many (except my extremely apprehensive brother) of my family and friends shared in my joy, I was sure, however, that once the call ended the chitter-chatter commenced.  I did not need to be in the room to know the content of the exchanges: “how could she be engaged after only two months?”; “that won’t last!” and “she can’t possibly love him after only two months?”

I was not at the other end of these questions, so, on this Single Ladies Friday I will take the time to answer them and talk about a Grown and Sexy kinda Love.  Admittedly, when he proposed, I was not head over heels IN love with Sean, but I did realize that our love was Grown and Sexy.  GROWN, in the sense that we were equally mature enough to recognize that we were not separately perfect –but we created a perfect combination.  There were no “buts” and “ifs” in our acceptance of each other.  “I would like him if”…none of that.  And, our love was SEXY in that we each had the poise to worry not about what others may say, not worry about other peoples timetables and move along with the confidence that our relationship instincts were right.

After spending over a decade on the dating scene it was easy for me to appreciate this kinda love.  In my early twenties I was playing the field, doing my research and gathering information about my guy likes and dislikes.  I was more emphatic about what I did not want in a relationship, but still blurred about my wants.  In my late twenties, I had more lucidity.  Don’t get me wrong, I was still dating jerks, but they were immediately stamped with an expiration date.  By the time Sean came along I was thirty.  I knew what I wanted in a man, in a relationship and in my love life.  I had gathered enough information to know that I could take a leap with this one; he would not expire.  Today I am beyond IN love.

So on this Single Ladies Friday, I propose that my thirty-plus Single Lady friends thinking about taking the next step; take the leap.  By now you’ve gathered enough information about yourself to know when it’s right.  Don’t hold back.  So what if it’s only been two weeks or two to six months.  Move in with him if you want to.  Tell him you love him if you feel it.  Have a baby if you’re ready.  Say yes to the ring.  Get married…just flow with it, as long as it’s A Grown and Sexy kinda Love.

P.S. My brother and Sean are now BFFs

RoseyYNot- Contributing Editor

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