Real Telephone Conversation:
Rosey: So, Dawn, this is your 5th date with Chris, things must be going well
Dawn: Yeah, it’s great…he’s taking me to South Beach next week, I can’t wait
Rosey: ooohh, Gurl, should I start saving my bridesmaid money
Dawn: Absolutely NOT! I don’t really like him…he just takes me on the most fabulous dates and he’s sooo sweeeet.
About an hour later our conversation ended. While I didn’t express it to her, I was really disappointed in my friend. I met Rich (he could stand to lose about 20-40 lbs) but he was the sweeeetest guy. I could tell by the way he looked at Dawn, he was really into her. I didn’t want to pass judgment but I really felt she was being extremely selfish and a little deceitful.
Days after our conversation, I was still thinking about whether or not I should tell her how I feel. So of course, I called our mutual friend, Cassie, to discuss the issue. A few minutes into our conversation Cassie reminded me of college and Marcus.
Marcus (not the cutest guy I ever dated) but he was sooo sweeeet. I was in college, he was in grad school and he was “lovin’ him some Rosey.” Flowers, chocolates, dinners and jewels…he showered me with it all. He was sooo sweeeet but he had no chance. All of my friends knew it, I knew it, but he had no idea.
In all fairness to me; I never told him I liked him. I didn’t do anything to lead him to believe that I liked him. I didn’t ask for the gifts and he enjoyed my company. By my 8th date with Marcus, Cassie let me know I was wrong. Was I really; should I let him go if we were both enjoying ourselves?
Ladies, we all know the answer to that question. Leave the “sooo sweeeet” guy, who has no chance, alone. We have all been there. While it is exciting to be wined and dined, should we do this at someone else’s expense? If you know that he wants to take it to the next level and you can’t imagine kissing him…let him go. If he’s taking you to South Beach and you plan on faking your “p-flow”…let him go.
We must stop damaging the few and truly good men there are left. There is a girl out there who wants to hold him (and his extra 40 lbs) tight. Let him go and save his “sweeeetness” for her.
Wish me luck…I’m calling Dawn tonight.
RoseyYnot – Contributing Editor
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Ummm, so what’s the difference between going out with a guy that’s “soooo sweet” and the “why not” method? So I guess your going to say the difference is that you have no feelings for “sooo sweet”? I’m going to play devils advocate here- If I adopted the “why not method”, I would most certainly go out with the “soooo sweet guy” almost every time he asks me out. What if this time in South Beach I have an “ahh haa moment” that could’ve only be prompted by the hot Miami heat or the skyline or the view of Star Island – Or even the view from the Gansevoort Hotel rooftop and realize that perhaps 20 pounds (+) is not so much to contend with when compared to the guy I was immediately attracted to but turned out to be married or engaged or separated or just plan douchey? Those ‘many’ dates? Those times I “let him take me out”? Those times I realized how supper sweet he was? Those are the moments-combined of course with the trip that made me realize that I just might love that sooo sweat guy! As an added note I have to say that you’re indulging his fantasy as well- I happen to think that he’s also benefiting from wining and dining you! He is enjoying YOU, maybe boosting his confidence?……With that said, dating is hard. There will be causalities- its part of the game. All’s fair in Love and war! Good Luck Ladies!!
I’m sorry Kat (aka Lady Jovail) I must say I am most surprised with your outlook on this most interesting topic. My dearest you have stated clearly that the idea of intentionally leading someone on is ok; is looked upon as fair in love and war. Oh my word, has our hearts been played along for so long that love can be tragically assoicated with war, I do plead that this not be the state.
We mustin ever toil with anothers positive affections, as you have known the saying quite long, never do to a person as you would not want them to do to yourself. We as woman and men do know the very strong affections another has for us, and in our human nature we have tendency to wear some emotions on our sleeves, now please don’t be that one to crush those emotions if not interested in such advances. Be mature and state your very real knowledge of not feeling the same way; and always if the company is that nice please agree to friendship only. I say again please always put yourself in this persons shoes and realize you would never want the same done to you.