Ok admit it. We have all said these words… “he would be so perfect if”…if he had a better FICO score…if he got a better job…if he didn’t live at home…if he didn’t laugh like that…if he would just finalize his divorce already…you get where I’m going.
I took on my first “FIXAMAN” project at 20. He was in the “music industry” and I was a sophomore in college. Class on M, T, W, and TH from 9:00 am to 2:00pm; work from 3:00 pm to 9:30 pm - then head to his house for DIM (do it myself) man renovations. I knew exactly how our conversation would start — he would ask me about my day and I would tell him about the interesting conversation we had in sociology class…then I would commence to fixin’. “Derrick, you know, I think you would really enjoy college…”
The summer before I headed to grad school, he told me that it was over. I was devastated. I had finally got him to agree to go to trade school. Four years after we met, he never attended college, he was still in the “music industry” and he jacked up my credit. We bumped into each other a few years after the break-up and went out for drinks. Of course, I had to ask if it was another girl (it had to be another girl…right Ladies?). He was very frank in his response: “I just wasn’t that dude for you.”
He didn’t have to explain. I knew exactly what he meant. He was not perfect for me, yet I stayed with him. (BTW- I wasn’t the easiest pill to swallow, but he never tried to change me) I worked on project FIXAMAN for four years without ever realizing that he was the man that he was going to be. No matter how hard I tried I could not and would not “fix” him. I had 2 choices…take it or leave it. He left me. In the end, someone needed fixin’ but it wasn’t him.
Today, I repeatedly get asked: “how did you know, after only 2 months, that your husband was the one. The answer is so simple…he is so perfect and there is no if.
So Ladies, on this Single Ladies Friday, I say put the hammers down, back away from the Project and think about what really needs fixin’.
RoseyYnot – Contributing Editor
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Well good to know at least someone has it right. Women really ‘always’ try to do that and they think they are so subtle and men are so dumb that we wont notice… well we do
And just a tip ladies not everyone sees the world through the same lens so what u may think is broken is actually as RoseyYnot put it ‘perfect’.
One thing some of us tend to forget…You can’t change people only yourself. If the person don’t give you a sign that he or she consciously want that change well, all efforts will be worthless. You just need to bounce out. Some hardheaded among us love this phrase “May be he’ll change” I say STOP right there…just STOP. Specially when you try to change someone so that you can love him more…Big mistake.