Nookie, Cookies, Sweet Stuff…Sex! Please stop reading if you are saving yourself for marriage due to religious beliefs. We will have to agree to disagree on this one. I am Christian, I try to go to church every Sunday, and I love God. At some point in my dating years, however, I had to set aside the struggle between my religious code of conduct and my natural womanly desires. To me, sex was part of a healthy, mature and passionate relationship.
Last month Kaytie and I spent a warm evening in my backyard talking about her most recent relationship. She met him on Match.com and things were going well. She seemed excited about this one –even giggly and girly in the way she delivered her stories. Kaytie and Don had been dating for a little over three months so it never occurred to me that they had not yet done the deed. But she asked the question “is it too soon for me to give it up?”
“You’re kidding” was all I could counter. Kaytie is 34 years old. I did not think that women my age still counted the weeks or number of dates before deciding when to lay it on him. I was especially confused by Kaytie’s question because she had just shared stories about spending the night with Don, going on an overnight trip and meeting him at his home for late night make-out sessions. Poor Don. If I was perplexed, how was he coping? After a series of questions (which included whether Don was impotent) I finally answered. “Hell yeah, you need to give it up!” She started to reply with “God talk” and I quickly moved the conversation away from that.
Now, I am not here to judge, but I can not be the only person to think that Kaytie was being immature, hypocritical and selfish. Single Ladies: have we not reached the age where having sex at any point of the relationship should be based on whether we want to get off? In my experience, a mature man’s level of respect for a woman will not diminish because an intimate moment was shared. Shouldn’t we be past thinking he won’t respect me in the morning? And, how could she bring “religious morals” into the discussion when they went as far as “third base”, slept over on many occasions, and was playing with his sexual emotions.
The only thing Kaytie and I agreed on was that Don was a good guy. He had to be to put up with that. On this Single Ladies Friday, I am not recommending that my Single Lady friends give it up to any man that she is dating. However, I am suggesting that the high-school antics of going as far as third base and holding out on the Home Run should be left to the high school kids. Keep it grown and sexy. Stop counting the number of dates – - Give it up because that is what happens in mature sexual relationships.
RoseyYNot – Contributing Editor
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I understand what you’re saying Rosey, but no matter the age, it is a personal decision to make. No judgement or pressure should be given. When you’re ready you’ll know.
Sounds like a tease to me…. but what do I know. A male friend advised me recently that women shouldn’t put it all out there when they first have sex with a guy. I found that notion perplexing…how do I censor such a raw emotion and natural act? So much planning and calculating goes into dating why can’t sex just be fun! Otherwise what’s the point? It’s on the women to decide when she should “give it up”, (because let’s be real some women chose to early and “spas out” after having sex with a man) but why not let it be organic????
“Organic Sex” – I Love it!– that would have been the perfect title for this post.
@Michele – 100 percent agree: no one should ever engage in any sexual activity while under pressure (that would involve another topic entirely). Hopefully, my point was made that Mature and Grown women, dating in their thirties, should be past the point of counting the number of dates before deciding to “Give it Up” –And, they should definitely be past playing the “stop and go” game. Stop laboring the decision – be an adult and have Organic Sex!
The probability of a long term relationship with a guy is very low if u sleep with him too soon. What’s “too soon” obviously varies from person to person. If a guy “checks for you” he will wait “for you”. Vet the guy first. Find out his history. Meet his friends, family, ex-girlfriends, ex-wives, baby(ies) mama(s).
Unless your content with just the physical aspect of the relationship which is OK. Just don’t start cying when u realize u wanted more than what it (or he) turned out to be. I get enough tears watching The Biggest Loser”. At the end of the day, it’s not that complicated. Good Luck!