On this Single Ladies’ Friday, I do not have any advice. No suggestions on dating etiquette. And, no new theories on male-female relationship dysfunctions. Instead, on this Friday, I have questions: questions that always presented themselves when I was dating and questions that remain unanswered today.
I was reminded of all of the “Why’s of Dating” this past Wednesday while on the phone with my new girlfriend, Joy. Joy is twenty-five, beautiful and recently single. She has this certain swagger about her that made me instantly think about “hooking her up” with a really good guy. Joy and I started our conversation on Facebook chat, but the conversation was developing faster than I could type. I typed in my number, seconds later she called, and we chatted until my eyelids started to meet. By now you should all know what the topic of conversation was –but just in case you have not been following – we talked about her guy issues.
The next day, I could not stop thinking about Joy and what her “boyfriend” had put her through. After a few seconds of concentrated reflection, I smiled and thought “good for her.” Too bad she will always wonder where did it all go wrong? Some more questions that will undeniably go unanswered in her next few years of dating:
- Why after five fabulous dates would he just stop calling?
- Why didn’t he mention his fiancé when they first met?
- Why would he invite her on an all –expense- paid –weekend- get-a-way and spend all of his time hanging out with his friends?
- Why the relentless pursuit if he was not ready for a relationship?
- Why act like a boyfriend when no one is looking –when he wants to be the consummate bachelor?
- And, why does he keep calling after he decided it would be best to move on?
I thought “good for her” because her relationship ended before she invested any more time with this guy. The thing is women evolve through dating. They experience, learn, grow, move on and become better for the next man. Like I said, Joy is 25: she needed that guy to flake on her so that she would not let it happen if she is dating at 30. She’s been broken in. Joy now has her own dating question that may never be answered.
RoseyYNot – Contributing Editor
- 
Loading ...
To be honest it is hard to give a full perspective of the 6 ‘whys’ posted due to the fact that only a part of one side of the scenario was presented.
Having said that, I will try to give 6 tips (seems to be the magic number) on what most ‘real’ straight men look for in a relationship.
1. Honesty, timeliness and sincere communication.
Men want a woman who answers questions honestly, and even volunteers information. They want a woman who confidently asks for her wants and needs to be met. They want a woman who can see the truth and tell it like it is while communicating with kindness. Men want a woman who can communicate without being too critical, who cares about preserving his and her dignity.
A tip for women
Great men want and need straightforward, courageous communication without anger or criticism.
2. Self-sufficiency, security and confidence.
Men want a woman to choose them out of want rather than out of desperation — either materially or emotionally. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they want their partners to have a separate identity. Men want a woman to be active and independent, to have her own friends and interests.
On the other hand, men treasure time spend with a loving partner.
A tip for women
Men want what women want — a whole partner. One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is to create a full, rewarding life for your own fulfillment.
3. Freedom from manipulation.
Men want no manipulation of any kind. They do not want to read their partner’s mind or try to interpret signals. They do not want to be forced to move faster in a relationship than they are ready. They do not want to be manipulated into taking all the blame for things gone wrong. They do not want to be on the receiving end of game playing.
A tip for women
Most men will NOT tolerate manipulation of any kind for any significant length of time. To attract a great man and build a wonderful relationship learn to ask without hesitation for what you want and need in every area of your life. Learn to be aware of his timing and his time-line. Learn how to acknowledge and bestow praise.
4. Growth and accountabiility.
Men want a partner who can laugh at herself and who has courage and strength. They want a woman who can see her part in relationship dynamics and own it. She has to be emotionally stable. Men want a woman who is developing herself personally, and who takes responsibility for her emotional experience.
A tip for women
Men want women who are emotionally mature. Maturity does not mean lack of emotions. It does mean the ability to handle emotions responsibly. To attract a great man and build a long-term relationship, learn to take responsibility for your emotional experience and expression.
5. Commitment and fidelity.
Fidelity is an absolute must. In fact, men want a woman who does not have a “roaming eye” and who can wholeheartedly commit to the relationship. In the relationship realm commitment is defined as fidelity plus the willingness to work on the relationship — even when the going gets tough.
A tip for women
Infidelity and “a roaming eye” are as distasteful to men as they are to women. Great men know how to build a wonderful relationship, and they know fidelity is the main ingredient.
6. Treat them how they ought to be treated.
Many women treat men in ways that diminish their egos, making them feel inadequate. Men would rather have more praise, more acknowledgment of what they do right, more acknowledgment that they are great guys who are loved and appreciated.
A tip for women
Most men want acknowledgment and appreciation from women. Learning to acknowledge instead of making your partner wrong is one of the most powerful relationship survival tools available to you.
L