Last night Sean and I met for dinner at our “Blind Date” spot. Of course, throughout dinner we reminisced on that day and how far we’ve come since then.
If you have been a faithful Single Ladies Friday reader, you know our story. But, here is a short recap for the new-comers: we met on Match.com, exchanged winks, e-mails, phone numbers, then met for a drink that extended into dinner; and two months later he proposed.
The day he put a ring on it I called everyone in my contact list. While many (except my extremely apprehensive brother) of my family and friends shared in my joy, I was sure, however, that once the call ended the chitter-chatter commenced. I did not need to be in the room to know the content of the exchanges: “how could she be engaged after only two months?”; “that won’t last!” and “she can’t possibly love him after only two months?”
I was not at the other end of these questions, so, on this Single Ladies Friday I will take the time to answer them and talk about a Grown and Sexy kinda Love. Admittedly, when he proposed, I was not head over heels IN love with Sean, but I did realize that our love was Grown and Sexy. GROWN, in the sense that we were equally mature enough to recognize that we were not separately perfect –but we created a perfect combination. There were no “buts” and “ifs” in our acceptance of each other. “I would like him if”…none of that. And, our love was SEXY in that we each had the poise to worry not about what others may say, not worry about other peoples timetables and move along with the confidence that our relationship instincts were right.
After spending over a decade on the dating scene it was easy for me to appreciate this kinda love. In my early twenties I was playing the field, doing my research and gathering information about my guy likes and dislikes. I was more emphatic about what I did not want in a relationship, but still blurred about my wants. In my late twenties, I had more lucidity. Don’t get me wrong, I was still dating jerks, but they were immediately stamped with an expiration date. By the time Sean came along I was thirty. I knew what I wanted in a man, in a relationship and in my love life. I had gathered enough information to know that I could take a leap with this one; he would not expire. Today I am beyond IN love.
So on this Single Ladies Friday, I propose that my thirty-plus Single Lady friends thinking about taking the next step; take the leap. By now you’ve gathered enough information about yourself to know when it’s right. Don’t hold back. So what if it’s only been two weeks or two to six months. Move in with him if you want to. Tell him you love him if you feel it. Have a baby if you’re ready. Say yes to the ring. Get married…just flow with it, as long as it’s A Grown and Sexy kinda Love.
P.S. My brother and Sean are now BFFs
RoseyYNot- Contributing Editor
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I completely agree. If I met my current husband in my thirties (as opposed to when I was 17) it would have taken only a few months for us to be engaged.
Relational maturity, is, I believe, the most effective predictor for whether one should make the leap or not.
Loving the one you’re with is about realizing that you are lucky and blessed in so many ways and it extends beyond our partners to our families as well. It is about deciding that instead of coexisting with our spouses, parents, and kids we begin to really live with and for them; breaking out of routines and spending each day as though it could quite possibly be our last. It is also about creating love inside of ourselves and giving it to the people around us without holding back or counting what it is we get or don’t get in return. Loving the one you’re with is very much about living in the moment and realizing “that there is already a rose in the fisted glove!” That is, what we have in our hands and in our lives right now are worth living for and worth expressing in the kind of way that makes us feel satisfied and willing to take the leap.
It may take 2 months or two years but, in my humble opinion, before you leap for love and marriage you should be relationally mature.
Are you willing to appoint your partner the guardian of your solitude?
Are you willing to allow your partner to hold the master key that opens the gates of happiness?
Do you feel the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired?
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Can you enjoy your differences with your partner?
Are you willing to be an encourager rather than a critic, a forgiver rather than a collector of hurts, an enabler rather than a reformer?
Are you willing to spend the time to nurture, feed and constantly renew your love with ingenuity and consideration?
Are you willing to respectfully and consistently communicate with your partner and agree to disagree when necessary?
If your answer was yes to all of the above, then, take the leap and forever love and be happy. But do remember that marriage is not 50/50 but BOTH parties giving 100%.
Louis K. Anspacher:
Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.
I love this
The perfect blind date is short not in stature but in length. Ten minutes is all you need to know if you want to see him again or run for it. Why risk ruining an entire evening with a loser when you can end the pain in 10 minutes?