Today is a scorcher here in NYC so I’m going to be brief … see more of Petite-Fete’s tablescape here … poppiesandposiesevents.blogspot.com/2010/06/pop-up-shop.html
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Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
{more on PF’s Pop-Up Shop}
Monday, June 28th, 2010 - {The Other Woman}
Friday, May 14th, 2010
This week my DVR was 100% full. Last night I cleared up some of the backlog by watching back-to-back episodes of Oprah. I watched: “Man Makeovers”, “No Phone Zone”, and then there was Rielle Hunter– the Other Woman (John Edwards’ side piece). I couldn’t believe the things that she was saying. I considered pressing the delete button when she said “it’s not my experience that a third party wrecks a home” – was this chick for real? I took my finger off the delete button and removed my mind from a place of judgment.
Rielle Hunter is not the first woman to have a relationship with a married and we all know that she will not be the last. If it is at all possible to give advice to a woman who is considering having a relationship with a married man or an otherwise engaged man – I will not be the one to give it. I can, however, share with you advice on how to spot a married man (who thinks it is okay to start dating) and avoid being The Other Woman.
Spotting a married man Tip # 1 – He does not share his home phone number. Rielle Hunter expressed to Oprah that she brought “Johnny” a cell phone to keep in touch with him – some nerve! I guess she knew that she could never have access to the home phone. Rielle provides a great illustration of why tip # 1 holds true. If the man that you are seeing does not give you his home telephone number in a situation where: 1) you are caught up in a deep conversation, 2) he is at home, and 3) his cell phone battery is fading- there is something wrong. Assume that he is a married man. Move on and do not become The Other Woman.
Spotting a married man Tip # 2 – You have not met his family. Some men actually have the balls to bring the other woman around and introduce her as a friend. If you ever find yourself in that situation and his sister or girl cousin is giving you the evil eye – something is wrong, move on and assume that he is a married man. Do not become The Other Woman.
Spotting a married man Tip # 3 – He did not post a picture with the online profile. Something is wrong – assume one of two things: he is a married man or he’s ugly – either reason is cause to move on.
Spotting a married man Tip # 4 – Your female senses are tingling. He exhibits odd behavior, especially when you are out in public. Your dates are timed events. You never get to hang out on the weekends. He cancels plans at the last minute and his sole means of communication is texting- – Gurrrl, your female senses should be flaring. Your intuition is right and he is not! Assume he is a married man and move on.
So there you have it. On this Single Ladies Friday, I am urging you to heed the tips, do not become The Other Woman. If it ain’t right, take flight! And, if he’s doing wrong, move on!
- {Interracial Dating: why not part deux?}
Friday, April 23rd, 2010
This week I had separate conversations with 3 black women who felt conflicted about pursuing interracial relationships. Melinda created a Match.com profile (after she read the 4 part series on ONLINE DATING) with hopes that she would expand her dating options. Her dating options have expanded – just not in the way that she imagined. Reba had a different conflict. She was open to the idea of dating outside of her race; however, as a single mom she questioned what effect this would have on her impressionable six year old son. Finally, my conversation with Kayla provided some comic relief to the interracial dating dilemma that these women are facing. Kayla took the leap and is enjoying her time spent with Ben. As she puts it, however — she’s afraid that if they go on a picnic date he’ll surely get sun burn.
You all know that I am a big advocate of the WHY NOT dating method. Dating in your 30’s is hard enough and my single lady friends should not make it that much more difficult by being close minded and restricting their dating pool. Despite my dating stance, I understood Melinda, Reba and Kayla’s dating dilemmas. As much as I enjoyed dating and as much as I kept an open mind when agreeing to meet a guy for coffee, I never dated outside of my race. Looking back, I am not sure if I made a conscious decision to exclusively date black men. I think my reason for exclusivity was simply a matter of surface attraction and access. When I was heavy on the dating scene the pool of available black men was more expansive since I was not dating with an eye towards meeting a life partner. As I got older I did restrict the dating pool – for example, the guy I was meeting had to have a college degree/ a job at minimum. This restriction, unfortunately, did mean that access to eligible candidates significantly plummeted. Fortunately for me, soon after my 30th birthday I met a great guy who PUT A RING ON IT and saved me from the dating scene. Would I be conflicted about pursuing an interracial relationship today? – I do not know. But I do know that I understand the conflict.
If I were to follow my own dating advice, in answering this question, I would look to find someone who I share commonalities with. I would date someone who treats me with respect; someone who makes me feel like a princess in my fairytale world; someone who makes me giggle like a seven year old and someone who wants to share time with me. I would follow my heart and instincts and I would not miss an opportunity simply because it is wrapped in different packaging. It sounds like I’ve answered the question. I would pursue an interracial relationship if it felt good. So, on this Single Ladies Friday, I once again say WHY NOT? Melinda expand your dating options, Reba follow your instincts and Kayla pack the sunscreen with an SPF of at least 45.
- {Check Who You’re Rolling With!}
Friday, April 16th, 2010
Every Friday morning since I was invited to write my Single Ladies Friday blog on Little Holiday I sit at my computer thinking “what am I going to write about today?” The night before I write, I may call a friend to see what’s poppin’ on the dating scene. At times, I am inspired by current tabloid events. Most often, I try to think back on when I was dating. Last night, however, my blog post idea came from an unlikely source: the NBC 11:00 pm newscast. The teaser- Why are so many NYC women single? I stayed tuned to watch. I truly thought NBC was going to break a profound theory…but it was all of same stuff … “more successful women than men,” “too many gay guys,” “married men”…blah, blah, blah. We’ve heard all of these theories before. These facts have not changed and will not change in the near future – so now what? Here is my theory: women are not strategically dating! If life is like a game of chess, in dating women must calculate every move. Single Ladies, you’re first move in the dating game is to CHECK WHO YOU’RE ROLLING WITH!
In college I had a boyfriend. I didn’t really hit the dating scene until grad school. And my grad school was conveniently located in the heart of NYC. For 3 years I went to class all day and partied hard at least 3 nights a week. I was truly living my own “Sex in the City” life. And I rolled with my “Sex in the City” girls. There was a Miranda, a Samantha, a Charlotte and a Carrie. We all had it going on but we were all so different- personality wise, as well as in our looks. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t strategically choose my friends; we shared many commonalities and had great fun times together. But there could never be a question in a guy’s mind on who to “choose” when approaching the four of us. He had to either want a Miranda, a Samantha, a Charlotte or a Carrie.
So many ladies make the mistake of going out on the single’s scene with their “look-alike” girlfriends. We all have those – girlfriends who wear the same dress style, have similar haircuts and like the same type of guy. The biggest problem with hanging with these girls is that invariably there is one HOT chick that stands out in the “look-alike” group. You know- she’s the one with the perfect boobs-to-hip-to-ass-ratio, the one with great hair and the one who can eat anything and not even look at a treadmill. She may be your best friend- but you need to leave her at home. Save her for a Tyler Perry movie. It’s time to think strategically about your “on the scene girlfriends” because that chick will always get the guy. Re-evaluate your social friends and either choose to be that chick or start rolling with your “non-look-alike” friends. When choosing your “on the dating scene” girlfriends think “Sex in the City” rather than “Destiny’s Child”- cause Beyonce will 92% of the time get the man.
I hope I did not rev up any controversy with this one. But I am also hoping that on this SINGLE LADIES FRIDAY, I gave my single lady friends a new theory to consider. Stop bringing your competition to the game and CHECK WHO YOU’RE ROLLING WITH!
- {The First Online Dating Date}
Friday, April 9th, 2010
It is wedding season! This week Petite-Fete participated in the New York Magazine Wedding Event and it was fabulous. The Brides-to-Be loved the custom wedding invitation designs and creations. I am already looking forward to next year. You never know, maybe some of our Single Lady Readers will be there too.
So we’ve come to part four of our 4 part series on Online Dating. Six weeks ago I encouraged my Single Lady friends to create an enticing profile and post it on at least two online dating sites. In the CYBER FLIRTING post I gave some tips on how to spark interest that may lead to the first date. I hope you are all ready because it’s time to take that leap from online to in-person. It’s time for the FIRST ONLINE DATING DATE. I can understand the hesitation but you did not pay a sign-up fee to find a pen pal. This series was about meeting a guy (or a couple of guys) that spark your dating interest and going on that date. Throughout the series I shared with you my online dating experience, here is the conclusion…
…After Sean winked and I winked back we exchanged two emails, had one telephone conversation then arranged to meet. Based on his profile and our communications I had enough information to know that I was interested. Of course, I wanted to learn more about him but I wasn’t interested in taking two months to chat, just to find out in one date that there was not enough chemistry to pursue anything else. Only after meeting could I make a decision as to whether or not we would actually “DATE.” I asked him to meet me for an after-work drink. I chose an unobtrusive Cuban restaurant that served great drinks. This place had the right ambiance for conversation. It wasn’t overly pretentious and had good food just in case we chose to extend the date from 45 minutes to 3 hours. A drink on a weekday was perfect, because it gave us both “an out” if needed. We did not need it and we stayed for dinner. After two hours of great conversation, drinks and dinner, it was time to wrap it up. I accomplished my FIRST ONLINE DATING DATE goals and he called the next day.
On this Single Ladies Friday, I suggest you set your goals and get moving onto the first date. Transport the relationship from online to real life without delay. You want to determine right away if there is any physical attraction. Arrange a simple short first date that gives you a good reason to cut it short if you need to. The location should offer little distractions and have the right atmosphere for conversation. If you’re not interested after the first 30 minutes let him know then. If the date is going great, end it at the point when you feel you have enough information to say yea or nea (2.5 hours should suffice). Let him take it from there. Go home and “wink” at someone else. If he calls within the next 3 days for the second date – your mission has been accomplished. Let me know how it all turns out!
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